


When Cold Winds Come (I Take Shelter By Your Side)

by awanderingmuse



Series: These Tempermental Days [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant Major Character Not Death, Captain America: The First Avenger, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 04:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2052894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awanderingmuse/pseuds/awanderingmuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Baby We're Gonna Burn.</p><p>In which Bucky is not happy with Steve for many reasons, including the fact that he's joined the war. And is secretly delighted to have him around.</p><p>Or</p><p>The one where Bucky doesn't deal with his feelings, but then he doesn't have to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Cold Winds Come (I Take Shelter By Your Side)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to the talented LtReginaBarclay for cheerleading me through this piece. And the great Beta read! No really every one would be quite when they were supposed to be quiet. This fic would be a disaster without her. I'd still be stumbling through the feels without you C!

The man who pulls Bucky off the table in Zola’s lab can’t be Steve Rogers. He’s too big, too strong, too everything to be Steve. Yet, he is Steve. Bucky knows the cut of Steve’s face and the exact blue of his eyes by memory. The man before him can’t be anyone else. 

Bucky has never been so happy or so furious to see the Punk in his entire life. The warmth of hope blooms in his chest. It helps him shake off the cold of the lab.

He follows Steve through the destruction of Red Skull’s base. Watches as Steve over confidently leads the way out, like his new body means nothing will ever harm him. Bucky follows Steve out and knows that he is following Steve for the rest of this God forsaken war. 

What remains of the 107th stops in a wooded area to camp for the night. Bucky takes the opportunity to finally confront Steve. Really, all he wants is to wrap Steve in a hug and forget the war.

He has to know what changed Steve though. Has to find out why he’s here.

“What the hell happened to you, Steve?” Bucky hisses, pulling his best friend to the edge of the camp. His squad mates watch them suspiciously, but nobody dares interrupt their discussion. 

Logically, he knows they’re wondering how Bucky knows this man who just saved them all. But it also reminds Bucky to police the way he interacts with Steve. It would be a catastrophe if anyone read too deeply into their interactions

“What do you mean?” Steve asks and Bucky laughs cynically. 

“You aren’t you, Stevie.” Bucky informs his best friend, gesturing up and down Steve. “Look at you. You’re a mass of muscle. When I left I could tuck you under one arm and carry you all over Brooklyn without breaking a sweat. What happened?”

Bucky doesn’t really understand why he is so upset. He knows he should be pleased that Steve finally found his health. In a way that the doctors said would never be possible, to boot. But, after being taken hostage and tortured, Bucky just wants something familiar. 

Steve is supposed to be familiar because Steve is Bucky’s home. Now even that is gone. He’s left feeling lost and so very alone.

Steve is quiet for a longtime. Bucky supposes he is carefully choosing his words. Figuring out how to tell Bucky what happened without going above his pay grade.

Bucky doesn’t want careful. Bucky wants to know what happened to Steve, he doesn’t care about the rules.

“I was selected for an experimental process.” Steve finally admits. “There was one condition. If it worked, I joined the war.”

Steve grins then and spreads his hands in a sheepish ‘What could I do?’ gesture. Looking at Bucky like he expects a laugh and a slap on the back

And Bucky understands, really. What could Steve do but say yes, indeed. Bucky can’t say he would make a different choice.

Steve was basically told he could have everything he ever wanted. Offered a healthy body and a reason to join Bucky overseas – Steve really couldn’t have chosen anything else. That doesn’t mean Bucky likes it.

A sigh escapes Bucky’s lungs. It is a long, put upon, exhausted sigh. He can’t deal with this right now. He also can’t let it go quite yet.

Bucky leans against a tree for support. He can’t lean against Steve like he used to. Other people will get the wrong idea now that Steve isn’t just some scrawny punk. 

“What can I do to keep you from getting yourself killed, Steve?” Bucky asks.

Steve pauses. His broad shoulders hunch at Bucky’s severe tone. He obviously didn’t expect Bucky to be upset about this. But Bucky is upset, and furious. 

Steve was perfect before, special, and in some small way Bucky’s. Now he’s just cannon fodder like anyone else on the front. As Captain America, he’s cannon fodder that belongs to an entire country, and that bothers Bucky.

Bucky doesn’t wait for Steve to ask what he’s talking about. “I wanted to know you were safe. And now I can’t. Steve, you’re the only good thing...” 

The sound of a campfire collapsing from inside the camp reminds Bucky that he and Steve can easily be overheard. 

Bucky wets his lips and tries to reword his sentence in a way that won’t be understood by outsiders to be the confession it is. “Steve, you know I care about you. You’re my best friend. Just like you said in that alley, I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.” Steve tries to argue. He’s obviously hurt that Bucky is angry at him.

Bucky scoffs. “You know how many men I’ve seen die, Stevie. More than I can count. I killed half of them myself. But it was okay, because you were safe.”

That gets Steve talking. He speaks in a harsh whisper with his head bowed towards Bucky. 

“But, it’s okay for you to come out here to die?” Steve demands. “You said till the end of the line, Buck. Well, what kind of end is you dying in war without me at your back? It’s obvious you can live with the idea, but I can’t. I don’t regret my choice.”

“It wouldn’t end there.” Bucky begins to argue.

“Jesus, Buck.” Steve exclaims. “I just saved you from being a prisoner of war. Don’t tell me it can’t happen, that you won’t leave me.” 

Steve’s eyes turn sad as he plaintively murmurs. “Please. Don’t make a promise you might not be able to keep.”

Bucky deflates. He is exhausted and does not want to discuss this. He knows he might die. That Steve might die, now. But he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. Not now. He just wants to rest.

This isn’t over, not by a long shot. He hates that Steve is out here. He can’t bear the idea of Steve dying.

But he also needs Steve to be here. Needs whatever he can get from Steve. Their talk a couple years back only made it clear that Steve and Bucky couldn’t be a tangible thing. It didn’t make them stop loving each other. 

“Look.” Bucky finally says. “I’m not saying I’m okay with it. And I’m not saying we’re done talking. But for now, I understand why you did it.”

Steve’s smile brightens the whole forest. It does something to warm the cold that had seized Bucky’s heart during captivity.

“We’ll be okay, Buck.” Steve says, reassuring him of several things at once.

Bucky ducks his head in acknowledgement but doesn’t verbally agree. “Can we just go sit by a fire and rest?” Bucky requests instead. “It’s cold and I’m tired.”

Concern creases Steve’s forehead, but he smiles softly. “Sure thing, Buck.”

As they head towards one of the fires. Steve watches Bucky carefully. As he’d done on the nights Bucky had returned home from too long work hours feeling too tired to move. They walk toward one of the fires and sit down by it. The men of the 107th cheerfully greet Steve as ‘Captain’. 

Bucky just lets it wash over him as white noise. For the first time in his life Bucky huddles next to Steve for warmth against the cool autumn air. 

__________

Bucky sits through one more drink with Captain America after Agent Carter walked into the smoky bar. She’d been a fine dame. The type Bucky normally wouldn’t mind spending an evening with.

But she was obviously more interested in Steve. What really bothered Bucky, was that Steve returned her interest. 

Bucky Barnes does not share well. Steve is his, except when Steve only has eyes for a dame in a red dress. Steve looked at Agent Carter like she was the only person in the room, even with Bucky right there. 

He tried to flirt with Agent Carter to make Steve jealous. Risking life and limb if the way she coolly ignored him was anything to go by. Steve didn’t even blink. 

It makes his blood run cold. If he doesn’t lose Steve to war he’ll lose him to this Agent Carter. Bucky hates the thought. 

There is only one thing he can do about it. He drowns his sorrows with the boys. Drinks shot after shot, till the world goes fuzzy and his mouth runs loose. His hands feel large and clumsy. 

Bucky wonders if that’s how Steve felt when he first got his new body. Then promptly reaches across the sea of empty glasses for another shot. Bucky is not going to think about Steve right now.

But, the Devil only looks after his own, and Bucky belongs to Steve. Which is why he isn’t too surprised when large hands take the glass from Bucky. Steve’s voice booms over his head, “Gee, Buck, how much have you had to drink?”

“Just, four, or five. See.” Bucky slurs surveying the large table in front of him. There aren’t four of five glasses. There are ten to twelve glasses on the table in front of him. “Well, that’s not right.” He isn’t that drunk.

“Well?” Steve asks the guys.

“He’s had, quite a few, Captain.” Falsworth says. His tone implying he thought Bucky had had too much to drink. Bucky is not that drunk.

“I leave him alone for a couple of hours.” Steve mumbles under his breath. And Bucky does not appreciate that. Steve’s the one who can’t be left alone without running off with pretty dames in red dresses.

Speaking of, he has a question. 

Bucky tilts back in his chair. It’s much sturdier than the one in their apartment. But he miscalculates and leans too far back. 

Luckily Steve catches him. His big, strong hand wraps around some of the slats in the back to hold Bucky up. A concerned furrow appears on his brow

Bucky looks up at Steve’s familiar face and slurs, “Are you going to marry her, Stevie?”

Steve sighs, rights Bucky, and pulls him to his feet. 

“Sargent Barnes has had too much to drink, boys.” Steve says jovially to the men. “I’ll just make sure he gets to his bunk. Don’t stay up too late!”

They leave to a chorus of “Night, Cap” and “Night, Barnes”.

Steve keeps Bucky tight against him as they leave the bar. Even though Bucky can walk on his own, he thinks. Though he isn’t sure how if he’s really had twelve shots.

Cool air assaults them once they break out of the smoky bar. It helps sober Bucky up, unfortunately. Bucky leans into Steve for warmth, letting Steve take him wherever he wants them to go. 

They head down a deserted path. It’s dim and silent, good for private conversations. 

Once they’re far enough down that no one will see them, Steve props Bucky against an abandoned shed. Bucky makes a point of shoving away from the aged wood and standing on his own. 

“What is this about, Buck?” Steve asks softly. He reaches out to touch him but Bucky flinches away. Steve drops his hands to his side like he’d been stung.

“Just, answer the question, Cap.” Bucky says bitterly. “Are you going to marry her?”

Steve pauses to consider his next words. The wrinkle creasing his forehead tells Bucky all he needs to know. The answer is yes.

“That’s what I thought.” Bucky grunts, before trying to shove past Steve. 

Steve has a hand on his shoulder before he can take more than a step.

Bucky can’t even look at him. Steve is becoming someone unrecognizable right in front of him. First the serum, and now some woman is more important than Bucky. He shakes his head.

“I’d like to.” Steve finally says. And he sounds so earnest that Bucky wants to believe what Steve’s about to tell him. But he’s not sure he has enough faith. “But I’ll only do it on two conditions.”

“Like what?” Bucky scoffs.

“That she understands and is truly okay with the fact that you will always be the most important person in my life.” Steve says. Bucky’s head snaps up at that. 

Steve smiles, now that Bucky is showing some sign of listening. “I intend to tell her about us Buck. Well, about how we feel. Not about us. Since there isn’t really an ‘us’ to tell about.”

Bucky holds up a hand to stop Steve’s rambling. He knows very well what stage they are stuck at. This awkward not-lovers-hell they’d been forced to agree upon.

“What’s the second thing, Rogers.” Bucky says wanting to return to his lonely bunk and pass out. So, Steve wants to try to keep him too. That is real sweet, and will only last until Steve and Peggy’s first kid is born. 

“You have to be okay with it.” Steve says seriously.

Bucky can’t believe his ears. Steve couldn’t honestly have just said that. What was he thinking?

“No, Steve.” Bucky says forcefully. Foggy breath leaves his nose in furious puffs. He feels the chill of the early winter seep past the alcohol and settle in his bones. “You don’t get to put that on me.”

Steve looks like he’s been slapped. Bucky tries not to care as he walks off, because what Steve just suggested isn’t fair. Bucky can’t be held responsible for whether or not Steve marries Peggy Carter.

“Bucky, no!” Steve calls after him. He hears the larger man take a few hesitant steps towards him. For a moment they’re still in Brooklyn. Steve is still a hundred pounds and Bucky could accidentally punch his lights out if it came to a fight. “I don’t mean it like that.”

Bucky stops but refuses to turn around. Steve stops behind him. Bucky can almost feel that Steve is within arm’s reach. His arms itch to close the distance.

“Then how do you mean it, Steve?” Bucky asks. “It sounds like you’re trying to make me responsible for your life choices.”

Steve sighs. He sounds upset. Bucky would bet twenty-five dollars that he is running his hand through his hair agitatedly. And he’d be a rich man.

“Not like that.” Steve says reaching out to hold Bucky’s hand. Bucky lets him because damn him, he still can’t deny Steve anything. Bucky does manage to keep his back to Steve though.

“Then how, Steve.” He says forcefully.

“I’m trying to make it a decision we make together, Buck.” Steve says. “Like a team. If you don’t want her in our life, that matters to me. A lot more than anything else will.”

Bucky sighs and turns toward Steve. He rests his head against Steve’s broad chest, which definitely wasn’t something he could do before. Bucky doesn’t speak though, doesn’t know what to say.

Steve starts fanatically explaining himself further. “I mean I know one day you’ll settle down with some dame and have a round faced baby. God knows you get enough skirt. That’s what’s expected after all, you’re you. 

“And you’re a liar if you tell me you haven’t thought about having a family. That thinking of it hasn’t made you happy. I’ve seen you smiling over it. But I’m not marrying someone you can’t live with, Buck. Having you in my life matters too much for a mistake like that.” 

The sound of Steve’s voice washes over him, familiar and comforting. Bucky can’t have this conversation right now. Just like he can’t talk about Steve’s new body, or Zola’s lab, he can’t talk about this. 

He has to get out of the war first. But he’s also not going to push Steve away. It’s simple. At the end of the day, in whatever form, and with whatever dame, Steve is home.

“Shut up, Steve.” Bucky growls, moving closer to his friend. Steve gets the hint and wraps Bucky in a hug. More miraculously, he shuts his gob. 

“I’m not making this decision right now.” Bucky says eventually. Wrapping his arms around Steve to let him know he isn’t angry. 

“That’s okay.” Steve replies.

They stand like that for a little longer, enjoying being in the others presence. Eventually, they can’t take the cold anymore.

“We should go in, Punk.” Bucky says while pulling away. Any longer and they will likely make a spectacle of themselves. 

“Alright, Jerk.” Steve retorts. Now he’s the one to throw a friendly arm around Bucky to fight off the chill. That is oddly okay with Bucky.

___________

There’s never any time for Steve and Bucky anymore, Bucky thinks sadly as he stands next to Steve at the edge of some God forsaken frozen cliff. 

They’re waiting to start a mission. The plan is to zip line to the top of a moving train. Honestly, it probably makes the top of Bucky’s dumb stunts list.

It doesn’t matter though. As with most things where Steve goes, Bucky goes. Dumb stunts included.

All Bucky can think about is the time he took Steve to Cony Island and Steve threw up on the Cyclone. He wonders if Steve still gets motion sick.

Logically, Bucky knows that it’s physically impossible for Steve to get sick now. He has seen Steve do things that would have made him sick once. But this stunt right here takes the cake. Bucky feels obligated to ask before the Punk does something stupid.

Not in a way that will tip the guys off to how weak Steve once was, of course. 

He asks. “Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?” 

“Yeah, and I threw up?” Steve replies, his nose wrinkling in disgust at the memory. But he doesn’t seem concerned, which tells Bucky the zip line will be fine.

“This isn’t pay back, is it?” he asks in a snarky tone.

“Now why would I do that?” Steve says easily. Bucky barely refrains from rolling his eyes. He knows when he’s been sassed. 

Gabe Jones interrupts them with an update on Zola. In short he’s coming in on a fast moving train. Moments later they’re flying through the cold air and landing on it. Mortia’s barked “Better get moving, bugs!” rings in his ears.

Bucky’s body does all the work for him as he lands. He lets his mind focus on other things. His eyes never leave Steve. Thank God he could spot the man huddled in a trench from over a thousand paces.

Steve may be bigger and stronger, but he won’t be any less dead if he falls from this train. Bucky won’t let that happen. 

Bucky follows Steve closely as they make their way across the roof of the train. He crouches low to keep his balance. Steve, the idiot, just wobbles along like he’s walking on solid ground. 

They make it in to the train without a hitch. Bucky lets himself relax, slightly. Maybe this mission will go smoothly after all. 

That was his first mistake. 

They move towards the front of the train. Steve is only cursorily checking for enemies. Bucky knows it’s because he trusts him to have his back. Still, it’s dumb on Steve’s part. He shoots him a dark look. 

Steve doesn’t notice and wanders through the doorway to the next car, leaving Bucky a little behind. A moment later Bucky’s heart stops when the doors on the cars shut and lock. Shit.

Bucky slams into the door. How the hell is supposed to get to Steve now. Steve who is in the other car looking just as frantic as Bucky feels.

He hears movement behind him. Without thinking he turns and fires his gun. He wants to get this fire fight over as quickly as possible. Bucky has to get to Steve.

The fight does go quickly. Bucky soon finds himself pinned in a corner and out of ammunition. 

Right when he’s thinking he’s going to die. That he won’t get to tell Steve that he’s okay with him marrying Peggy. He won’t get to confide that he likes Steve’s new body. Because, besides the obvious reasons, it means he doesn’t have to worry that Steve is going to die every time he coughs. 

Right then is when the door slides open and Steve tosses him a hand gun. What happens next is so natural they could have planned it. Bucky grabs the gun and Steve charges into the room to shove a crate of weapons into HYDRA’s Soldier.

Which is only an acceptable maneuver because Bucky knows he’s got Steve’s back. The HYDRA agent dodges the crates and Bucky shoots him in the head. It’s disgustingly easy.

Bucky walks over to Steve, and because it seems fitting says, “I had ‘em on the ropes.”

“I know you did.” Steve replies. The corners of his eyes crinkle at the familiar banter. 

They both look towards the back of the train, expecting more enemies to come from that direction. Which is why neither of them see the guy with the high energy flame thrower, coming at them from behind.

Steve hears him first. Apparently being a super solider comes with more advantages than Bucky originally thought. Next thing Bucky knows Steve is shoving him to the ground, protecting them both with his shield. The blue ball of energy ricochets off the shield and through the wall, leaving a giant hole.

They’re both blown off their feet. Steve lies limp and unprotected on the other side of the train. His shield lies at Bucky’s feet. 

Bucky picks it up and tries to use it. He’s only got the one hand gun, and he doesn’t know if Steve is out.

The shield is awkward though. He’s not sure how Steve manages to account for the weight and keep his shots perfect.

Bucky doesn’t get the chance to find out because the HYDRA soldier fires. The shot hits the shield dead center. The force of the shot throws Bucky out of the train.

Somehow, he manages to grab the railing on the torn wall. He grips it tightly while Steve takes the other man down. 

Suddenly Steve is there, trying to walk across the bent metal of a broken train wall. Steve, who doesn’t realize his newly acquired mass will bring the entire wall on top of them both, after a thousand foot fall. 

Bucky looks at Steve’s worried face. Steve is yelling at him to take his hand. Bucky instinctively reaches out even though he knows it’s not going to work. Knows that if Steve takes one damn step closer, he will have to let go before they both fall and die.

He doesn’t have to make that choice, because the handle gives way to his weight. In an instant Bucky feels the bitter cold of open air beneath him as Steve reaches for him uselessly from above. 

______

Steve is alive. Steve is alive. Steve is alive. 

It’s the only mantra that keeps Bucky sane as HYDRA tortures him, “fixes” his arm, and tries to brainwash him into being theirs.

Steve is alive.

Zola leans over the cool metal table they have Bucky strapped to. His smile looks too victorious for a guy who lost everything in his attempt to take over the world.

“I am pleased to say that Captain America gave his life in service of his country, while trying to defeat Red Skull.” Zola gloats.

Bucky spits in his smug face. Steve is alive. Steve is alive. Steve is alive.

“No?” Zola asks innocently. “But it says, right here.”

A newspaper is shoved in Bucky’s face. Word for word, it says what Zola just told him.

Steve is gone.

With a cry The Winter Soldier is born.

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued...


End file.
